I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
