you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
