Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
