as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
