Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
