Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
