I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
