I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
