is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
