Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
