My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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