woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
