Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
