On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
