just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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