What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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