help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
