I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
