Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
