I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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