Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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