I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
