I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
