well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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