and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So many bounce houses so little time
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
