How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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