did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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