I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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