Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
