Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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