I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
