you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
