Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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