remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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