I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
