I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
