i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
