i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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