Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I fill condoms, not promises.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
