are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
