why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
