I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
