woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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