He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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