so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
