just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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