he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
