I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
