Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
