You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
