I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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